Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
