Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
