i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
