oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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