I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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