I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
