Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
