I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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