im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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