I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
