Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
