I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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