As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We need a shit load of segways right now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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