He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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