Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
