He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
