woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
