HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Walk of Shame today included voting.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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