my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
