Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
