pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
