I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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