Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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