PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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