Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
