Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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