I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
