and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And then he peed in my hair
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