Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My vagina is very pro this idea
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
