Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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