He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
