I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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