Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
