I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
