Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize