Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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