Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
