if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
