i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
