I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my phone needs a breathalizer
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
