im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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