kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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