i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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