just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
