Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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