i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
