A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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