I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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