it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
