wanna go halves on a baby?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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