Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
