Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
