For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
